even when you think God's ignoring you . . .

by David

I really like cocaine. I used to like it to the tune of about $800 or so a week. While most people use cocaine to "party," I used it to work—and I am very good at software development, which is how I could afford the drugs. I'm what you might call a professional addict, having regularly used some form of illicit substance or other for about 13 years.

I would go on a programming jag and shut everyone out of my life. My sinuses were infected and my nose bled; I lost a lot of weight. I still managed to hold onto my job, but I'm sure my coworkers wondered about me. Obviously, things needed to change. I quit cocaine for a short period, and my friends at Tierra Nueva prayed for me. Most churches elevate Jesus to where he's inaccessible. I had done Christianity before, and ran from it. But Tierra Nueva made it possible for me to come back.

The problem was, the more they prayed, the worse off I was, until I finally relapsed and asked them to stop praying and leave me alone. I figured the prayer caused God to glance sharply in my direction and screw something up in my life. But now I know it was Satan just messing with me.

I ended up quitting my job and locking myself in my apartment. I started having one sided conversations with God. The subject was generally about God's absence, and my sense of entitlement. Finally, I found myself just asking for God to show himself to me, so that I could at least know that God was listening.

One night as I was lying in my bed, thinking that I really needed a friend, I was visited by a tree frog. He hung out in my apartment for about a month and a half. Somehow, this was a significant event, but I can't articulate why that is. I think it was God reaching out to me in a way that didn't threaten me.

After that, I just stopped using cocaine. More importantly, I haven't had the slightest desire to go back to it. I haven't had dreams about using it. I'd been contacted by the people I used to buy it from, and yet there was no temptation. God really comes through when you just step back and let God do his thing. I've been clean for almost two months, and I haven't experienced sobriety like this for 13 years.

God listens, even when you think he's ignoring you. God loves you, even if present circumstances make you believe otherwise. Nothing is beyond the reach of God, even if it's beyond yours. And finally, God's most amazing miracles are often delivered through mundane means. You just have to be open to receiving them.

she spent all she had on doctors . . .

by Roger
Co-Director, Family Support Center

Juana* came in to the Family Support Center today. She wanted to talk about how her attorney said she'd have to find her own doctor and pay out of pocket if she wanted treatment for her pain. The chiropractor who had previously treated her had written a report that he couldn't do any more for her.

It reminded me of the Biblical account of the woman with the blood flow, who spent all she had on doctors and they weren't able to do anything for her. So she goes to Jesus, touches him, and gets healed!

We talked for a while about her immigration situation, but all the while I was getting the sense that I should ask Juana permission to pray for her lower back pain, caused by a car accident. She agreed to prayer, but me being in the Family Support Center alone (and she a woman), I decided to employ her three kids—Mario, Maria, and Mimi. I asked the kids to place their hands, one on top of the other, on their mom's lower back. Then I placed my hand on theirs, and began to pray.

I decided to just exercise my authority in Christ over the pain, binding it, and ordering it to leave in the name of Jesus. After speaking encouragement over Juana as I felt the Holy Spirit leading, I asked how she was feeling. She said the pain was leaving, so we kept ordering it to completely go in the name of Jesus.

Now she said she felt all better, and also intense heat, as if she'd just applied Ben-Gay ointment to her back! I told her that the heat could be a sign of the presence of the Holy Spirit, so I asked for more of the Spirit and more of the presence in Jesus' name.

We thanked the Lord for her healing, and I felt I should lead Juana in a prayer of receiving her healing as a free gift. Then I felt I should ask the Lord to seal the healing. Afterwards, Juana kept mentioning the heat—the intense heat, like Ben-Gay ointment!

Lord, I give you praise!

*names have been changed

no alternative but to trust God

by Dave

Last October I got an e-mail about healing prayer on an upcoming Friday at this place I had never been to--called Tierra Nueva. I had recently gone through the chaos and dark pain of a divorce. It felt like my life was over. I received generous love from old and new friends and helpful counseling, but there was deeper healing needed that I was only partially aware of.

I waffled back and forth that week--feeling like I ought to go, but preferring to watch a World Series game with a friend. Then early Friday evening I sat down, still undecided, and read an interview with Stanley Hauerwas. The interviewer asks: "A lot of us seem to prefer living in anxiety to trusting God. How can we practice trusting God?"

Hauerwas answered, "What I try to do is put myself in positions where I don't have any alternative but to trust God."

Whoa. I set down the magazine, got in my car and drove down I-5 feeling drawn, called, magnetized to Tierra Nueva. I remember Chris playing guitar that night. We sang the song "more love, more power.” The Spirit cut deep into my core in the middle of singing. And I realized how much I had been holding back, holding onto. Tears came.

Later Tina prayed for me with compassionate boldness, moving me toward blessing my ex-wife and starting down the road of releasing her. And Tina prayed for God's presence and deep healing of my ragged wounds. I felt alive again. Resurrected.

Now that I have been going to Tierra Nueva more and more, I have discovered that they, as a way of life, take the plunge into risky trust and put themselves in places where they have no alternative but to trust God. And you know what? God shows up! That's attractive to me. That's real life. I want more and more. And I know there is much more yet to come! Thank you, Jesus.

when have you felt poor, blind, or captive?

by Amy Muia
Tierra Nueva staff member

Last month, I found myself going to the weekly women’s jail visit alone on short notice, without chance to prepare. Normally that would be a bit unnerving, but I step into the chance to stretch myself a bit and rely on the Holy Spirit instead of my own planning. What springs to mind as I pull into the jail parking lot is one of our favorite TN texts, Luke chapter 4, and I decide to offer it to the women awaiting me inside.

I come through the two sets of steel doors, to be escorted by the guard through two more steel doors into the multi-purpose room. Gathered around me are the first group of female inmates. They're dressed in their red jail uniforms, short sleeved and revealing arms scarred with the deep pits that tell of years of drug use. Some of the faces look hopeless, others defensive, and some glad to see me. One is already crying.

I start with a prayer. We join hands. I know the women around the circle have conflicts with each other in their pod--fights over an extra blanket or a bag of chips, inflammatory remarks and offense-but they never reveal that side in front of the "church ladies." But I don't want to be a church lady--I want people to feel free to be authentic with me.

We turn to Luke 4:18 and one of the women starts to read: "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

"This is Jesus speaking, telling everyone what he came to do," I begin. "Can we look at each of the parts of his ministry? Let's start with good news to the poor. When have you felt poor?"

The women tell stories of having no resources--either monetary or emotional. "And we're captives," one says. "Not just captives in the jail, but trapped by drugs." Another adds, "And captives in bad relationships." "Also stuck in ways of thinking that we can't change," adds a third. "How about being blind?" I ask, after a bit. "In what ways have you felt blind?"

The women are warming to the subject. "Blind to seeing any hope." "Blind to the consequences of our actions-just doing whatever, and not seeing where it leads." We continue. "Jesus came to proclaim the year of God's favor," I say. "Do you feel you're under God's favor?" Some women nod, others remain silent. We continue discussing the ways we are all poor, blind, or captive. Our 25 minutes is almost up. "Can we pray?" I ask. They are ready.

I move around the circle, laying hands on each one, praying that God would come and set them free. By now, many are crying. They are hungry for the news that Jesus came for this--to break every power and principality, to set the captives free, to announce the good news of God's love.

The doors clang open with a loud bang, causing us all to jump. "Not done?" the guard says. "Let me say the blessing, then. The Lord bless you and keep you!"

"You can bless us," one woman mutters, "But don't keep us!"

i left all my youth in the fields

by Epifania

I come from Guerrero, Mexico. I passed through the Rio Bravo for the first time as a young girl, with my brother. In that river, people often drown. The boat we were traveling in flipped over, and I give thanks to God because my brother and I were saved. It was horrible watching people drown. But we arrived in Texas to work in the oranges. I was 11.

From the time I was 11, I worked a lot. I got married and kept working for my six children, even when I became single. I struggled a lot. I lost one of my sons; this emptiness I'll always carry. I have another son that's particularly rebellious. But I give thanks to God because through him, I found Tierra Nueva. I've known Bob and Rocio for 14 years. They're like family members to me. Rocio picks me up and brings me here, and helps me with appointments and errands because I don't have car.

I left all my youth in the fields. I've worked for years and years. I don't understand the situation with immigration law. We don't come here to take anyone's work. We come to help. We harvest the crops even when it's raining and snowing. We harvest the crops and the pay is a misery. I made .75 an hour when I first came here. When I started to make 1.25 an hour, I cried for joy because I was making a lot of money.

I've seen many miracles. One time, before I had papers, immigration was taking all the people from the fields. I said, "Oh, Lord, I'm in your hands. I know you can cover me so immigration doesn't see me." I made all my kids get on their knees. Immigration took whole families from the strawberry field. But I was just sitting there and they didn't see me. The boss was an American. He said, "You must have a pact with the devil." I said, "No, I have a pact with God." All of my children were hugging me. That happened to me four times. God doesn't discriminate against us. I give thanks to God and pray that God protects everyone coming from Mexico, because I've suffered through that.

I've gone through times of hunger. I used to sleep in my van with six children. I've even slept here at Tierra Nueva because they've made a place for me. They don't discriminate against anyone. In other churches, they look at how you come here. At Tierra Nueva, they help everyone.

Epifania shared this testimony at our recent "Open Your Eyes" course. For more information about courses and events at Tierra Nueva, visit our website, www.tierra-nueva.org.

what Tierra Nueva means to me

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I'm writing to tell you what Tierra Nueva has meant to my family. Tierra Nueva has helped us in many ways, as much spiritually as materially. Sometimes I haven't had anyone to help me, and I go to Tierra Nueva. They've helped me fill out applications, and when we've had appointments—especially because we don't have good command of English—they've interpreted for us.

I believe Tierra Nueva has done the maximum for us. May God reward them for all they've done for us, the poor. For my part, I want to give thanks to all who've worked with Tierra Nueva, especially the ones who fund it, because Tierra Nueva is where the poor find refuge. They never turn anyone down who asks for help, when it's within their ability.

For this I am grateful with all my heart, to all those who've extended a hand, so that Tierra Nueva can continue giving help to those who need it in the future.

Many thanks,
Salvio Hernandez

heaven on earth in the jail

Chris Hoke
Assistant Jail Chaplain

More and more we've been experimenting in the jail with the authority that God gives us over spiritual forces that afflict the men from all sides. Here's the latest experiment that got me thinking...

A young man with trial the following morning came anxiously into our one-on-one room a few weeks ago. He'd brought his legal papers, thinking it was a lawyer visit. He showed me the dry, all caps, official criminal charges with multiple counts that filled the first two sheets of an inch-thick stack of intimidating legal jargon. As we were praying later, listening to the words and feeling the presence God was pouring out over this man, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the hefty charges stacked beside us. They were official condemnations standing squarely against the twenty-something who was at that moment crying and relaxing into God's completely Other judgment of forgiveness. This love made the legal stack intolerable to me. A verse came to mind, and I had him read it aloud:

"And when you were dead in your trespasses..., God made you alive together with him, when he forgave us all our trespasses, erasing the written record that stood against us with its legal demands. He set this aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and made a public example of them, triumphing over them in it." (Colossians 2:13-15)

We talked about how this record stood against him like a gun pointed at him on the street, and how God's forgiveness does not tolerate judgments over his children that are out of line with his will, which is to forgive and restore, not condemn and degrade.

So, not quite sure how to appropriate this "death penalty" of sorts God gives to the written record ("nailed it to the cross"), I said, "Hey man, you know how we always lay our hands on people's back pain and take authority over what hurts God's kids, and a lot of times it goes away?" So we laid our hands on the stack of Skagit County legal charges and rebuked them, broke their power in Jesus' name for violating God's forgiveness.

Later that week at jail Bible study, while we were discussing the same Colossians text, that original young man came bounding in, not knowing the Bible study was about him. He exclaimed for two minutes straight-- "Oh, Chris! The trial the next day...it was a total miracle!"

He described before all the accused men how he felt God's presence beside him at the stand, how it felt like everyone in the room looked at him differently. At his first trial, people had whispered vile things upon hearing the allegations that echoed through the room—but this time the prosecutor didn't seem to even look at the papers, and even the guard with whom he has tension cried when he got to share before the judge. One or two of the charges were completely dropped, and restitution was cut in half. He was ecstatic.

Often when we pray for physical pain, not all of it will go away immediately. But rather than be discouraged, we're encouraged and so we've learned to press in with more prayer. It makes me wonder if we can press in and confidently take spiritual authority with God's forgiveness over our accused brothers until all the pain and charges are wiped clean, nailed to the cross. It would be ridiculous. It would be like heaven's reality manifesting, happening on earth...