by DavidI really like cocaine. I used to like it to the tune of about $800 or so a week. While most people use cocaine to "party," I used it to work—and I am very good at software development, which is how I could afford the drugs. I'm what you might call a professional addict, having regularly used some form of illicit substance or other for about 13 years.
I would go on a programming jag and shut everyone out of my life. My sinuses were infected and my nose bled; I lost a lot of weight. I still managed to hold onto my job, but I'm sure my coworkers wondered about me. Obviously, things needed to change. I quit cocaine for a short period, and my friends at Tierra Nueva prayed for me. Most churches elevate Jesus to where he's inaccessible. I had done Christianity before, and ran from it. But Tierra Nueva made it possible for me to come back.
The problem was, the more they prayed, the worse off I was, until I finally relapsed and asked them to stop praying and leave me alone. I figured the prayer caused God to glance sharply in my direction and screw something up in my life. But now I know it was Satan just messing with me.
I ended up quitting my job and locking myself in my apartment. I started having one sided conversations with God. The subject was generally about God's absence, and my sense of entitlement. Finally, I found myself just asking for God to show himself to me, so that I could at least know that God was listening.
One night as I was lying in my bed, thinking that I really needed a friend, I was visited by a tree frog. He hung out in my apartment for about a month and a half. Somehow, this was a significant event, but I can't articulate why that is. I think it was God reaching out to me in a way that didn't threaten me.
After that, I just stopped using cocaine. More importantly, I haven't had the slightest desire to go back to it. I haven't had dreams about using it. I'd been contacted by the people I used to buy it from, and yet there was no temptation. God really comes through when you just step back and let God do his thing. I've been clean for almost two months, and I haven't experienced sobriety like this for 13 years.
God listens, even when you think he's ignoring you. God loves you, even if present circumstances make you believe otherwise. Nothing is beyond the reach of God, even if it's beyond yours. And finally, God's most amazing miracles are often delivered through mundane means. You just have to be open to receiving them.
